Love’s got this

Love’s got this

Love’s got this.

“I just want to love the world. “

When I woke up this morning I could feel the heaviness and constriction of fear. But I did not want to feel fear. 

I wanted to feel love. 

I know that fear comes from my over active head. 

Love is felt through the heart.

So as I lied in bed, I  brought my attention to my heart.

It was so simple

It is almost silly. 

I brought my attention to my heart.

And I felt love. 

I felt so much love that it seemed like it was beaming out from inside me. 

Fear was gone.  

I decided to keep feeling that love, 

And to keep radiating it out to the world. 

I started with Brad.

And then the spider in my bathroom.

And my cup of tea and tea spoon. 

As I watered my garden I loved the dirt. 

And talked to the vegetables that are trying to make their way in the world.

I looked over to the empty horse and goat paddocks, and chicken coop.

I beamed love there too.

Knowing that soon there will be animals enjoying the fields.

And as I made my favorite cup of coffee.

I loved it more than I ever have. 

I loved the dust that settled on my computer

I loved the technology that keeps me connected to my family and friends.

I loved the people that seem to have such vastly different experiences of life than I do, even if my ego does not agree.  

I love them, because at the core they are love.

And I loved my ego, telling it gently, that, for today at least, it can take the day off. 

“I’ve got this.” Love said. “I  got this.” 

And actually it always does.

Love doesn’t go anywhere.

Love is who I am. 

Love is who you are.

Love has me feeling connected to you and all things, even when we are not near.

Love does not see our differences. 

Love sees our similarities.

Love opens up possibilities that I can’t even imagine when I am listening to fear.

Love always knows what to do. 

I just have to tell fear, “Love’s got this”. 

And it always does.

I’m a Colossal Mess… So What!

I’m a Colossal Mess… So What!

I’m a Colossal Mess… So What! 

Well, that was last night at least. And part of yesterday afternoon. Oh, and about 2 weeks ago too. Or was that last week? I am losing track of days here. Please tell me I’m not the only one who can’t keep track of what day it is! I imagine I’m not.

And I doubt I’m the only one that is experiencing mini or colossal melt downs these days. 

C’mon, you know you’re out there! If you’re not feeling a bit emotional these days, then maybe you’re just better at ignoring your feelings. I used to be that way. I could shut down my feelings as good as anyone. But I honestly don’t think it helped. I got pretty good at pretending I was okay and then hiding out in my apartment using anything to numb myself. Anything being wine, tv and gynormous amounts of popcorn.

But these days I find it easier to feel all of it. Sure, it sucks when I am in it. And I don’t think it is all that fun for my husband. But I do know 2 things:

1) I know it will pass. 

I know it will pass because whatever the story, the belief, the thinking that has me all up in my head and in tears will inevitably change. Sure, the thinking looks real to me when I am in it. But it is like looking at something through a paper towel roll (well, maybe an empty toilet paper roll). I know I am looking at life through a very narrow perspective and through a filter of shitty thinking. It might appear to me that in those moments I am separate, I have no support, everyone else is finding ways to contribute except for me, other people are successful and I am not, we will never get our barn built and have our horses and animals on our ranch, I have no inspiration, and basically, I suck.  

(I have to say that writing that was really fun. Because I am not in it at the moment, and I can see from the outside that my little pity party is a complete illusion.).

Thoughts pass. And if I remember that whatever story or current belief I am in is made up, then when my thinking settles I can see so much more. I can see more clearly. I know it is made up because if I can’t see it, touch it, hear it, smell it or taste it, It is not in my current reality. It is just a thought. Sure there are a lot of thoughts about the current pandemic, and how that is impacting my work, and our finances. But focusing on what I cannot control is just as good of an idea as beating my head against the wall. The only thing it does is give me a headache.

2) I am not connected to my inner intelligence. I lost touch with my wisdom; and I forgot that I am a creative force to be reckoned with.  

And you are too. 

You see, inside of every human being is the creative force of the universe. I sometimes call this my inner GPS, Wisdom, innate creativity, or simply Love and Joy!

There is an intelligence to life that is so much more powerful than my personal thinking. 

Personal thinking is restricted to everything you have already experienced. That, in and of itself, makes it limited! When I am caught up in my personal thinking I inevitably feel separate, insecure, lack trust, see things as problems that need fixing, make judgements, and I am completely disconnected from my life force, my well of creativity and my innate resilience and wellbeing, my Love and Joy. Those are all the ingredients I need to create myself a perfect colossal meltdown. 

So let’s come back to the intelligence of life… We are made of energy. That energy is the force that makes the earth rotate around the sun. It is what makes the stars and the solar systems. It is how birds know when and how to create a nest for their eggs. 

All you have to do is spend some time observing nature and you will see the intelligence of everything around you. There is a universal organizing energy and intelligence that creates everything in life. That is what you are made of. That is your nature. You are a creative force to be reckoned with. Me too.

This morning, just 14 hours after my colossal melt down last night, I remember who I am. Energy… in the form of a human being, with all the characteristics of that energy… creative, resourceful, intelligent and knowing, resilient, and connected to all things. 

Rather than looking at the things I can’t control and comparing myself to others, I find myself listening to what is alive inside me. What needs my attention, what wants to be expressed? What does Love and Joy have to say about what I see?I know that by listening to what is inside me, I will ALWAYS have the answers to navigate life. 

The universal organizing energy and intelligence that I am made of can figure anything out. It always does. Just as a flower can grow toward the sun, even through a bed of rocks, we too can figure out how to handle what life brings. This I know is true. 

So, if you find yourself ever feeling like a colossal mess… so what! Me too sometimes. It will pass. Trust me. Get out in nature and let your thinking settle. I’d even invite you up to Oak Lea Ranch if we were not under social distancing orders. But heck, you can come visit when we are allowed. Until then, I’d be happy to talk any time to point you back to who you are. You are not a colossal or even a wee-little mess.  You are the creative force of the universe forgetting who you are and what you are made of… LOVE and JOY, WISDOM and infinite CREATIVITY.

Written by Julie Stuart

Don’t Believe Everything You Think

Don’t Believe Everything You Think


Don’t believe everything you think 

Every once in a while someone asks about how I transformed my relationship with my mom. It is usually someone that has read my previous blog post on that topic and feels they struggle in that relationship.

Sometimes it astounds me how much our relationship has transformed. It even makes me wonder… can transforming a relationship really be that easy?

What is true for me, is that sometimes it is, and sometimes it isn’t.

Yes, sometimes I still get frustrated, annoyed, irritated around my Mom (Sorry Mom!).

Sometimes I get defensive with my two amazing sisters (Sorry you two… I love you!).

Sometimes I blame my loving partner for not being X, Y, Z or anything else (Sorry Love).

Sometimes I have shitty thinking.

Shitty thinking is just an overactive mind that is working way too hard. And it is all just a version of the same thing: Garden variety, insecure thinking.

Every single human being struggles from insecure thinking. It shows up differently for each of us. And, unfortunately or fortunately… it is arbitrary, meaningless, and without value.

What? You feel insecure at times? Me too. That insecure voice inside means absolutely nothing about you. Nope. Nada. Nothing. It is meaningless and has nothing on you. So, don’t waste your time with it. Leave it alone.

If you don’t take the bait when insecure thinking does show up, if you don’t buy into it, don’t keep playing that tape over and over, it will pass. Leave it alone and get on with your day. You are one hell of an amazing and beautiful human being. If you forget, call me… I’d be honored to remind you!

When the voice of insecure thinking quiets down, judgement, separateness, doubt, irritability, impatience, all of that stuff, also subside. Giving room in our heart and heads for curiosity and understanding.

If you don’t believe me, try this. Try being grateful and insecure at the exact same time. I’ll bet you a pony that you can’t!

If I leave that shitty thinking alone, and don’t buy into it, it settles. It’s like turning the volume down on it so it is just barely noticeable in the background. At some point, you just stop even hearing it.

What I have come to see, that in any relationship, the more I am up in my head, the more I struggle. The more I blame others, make people wrong, and have expectations of how I want them to be, what I want them to do, say, etc.

I know that the extent to which I can get along with and even enjoy the person in front of me has 100% to do with me and the degree to which I am in some story in my head. If I am curious and grateful it is an entirely different experience, turning into a completely different relationship and even a different life.

And that does not mean that the person in front of me is not caught up in their thinking. If they are, they will be experiencing their own version of judgement, dislike, irritation with me. But I’ve been in front of many people that were super caught up and even screaming. If I can stay out of their personal shitty story, I most often feel empathy and compassion for them.

Why? Well, I know what it feels like to be experiencing shitty thinking. It feels pretty awful. And since we all only experience what we are thinking, I recognize that jumping into their shitty thinking is like jumping into the Titanic to try to save them. We all know where that story goes. Down.

So what is the alternative? Remembering that the primary cause of any unhappiness is not the situation, but it is our thinking about it.

I remind myself what I am grateful for, which always leads to compassion and freedom of mind.

Freedom of mind helps me the volume down, over and over again, on my personal and insecure thinking.

When I have freedom of mind, I feel more connected with whomever is in front of me. I see less differences, and I feel compassion and curiosity. I respond differently. I ask questions and move to a common understanding together. I trust that we will always work it out. And it always does get worked out when I am not listening to my insecure thinking.

And… I don’t have to do anything to make that happen. I just have to not believe my own thinking. 

Yes, sometimes I still do believe that insecure voice inside. But I also know that nothing ever gets solved by following that voice. At best, my ego will feel justified, as I’ve just hurt or pissed off other people, leaving me more alone.

But remembering that the insecure, judgmental, defensive thinking is meaningless and to not jump onto that ship… well, let’s just say that alone is what has kept my relationship with my mom  afloat, and even fun and strong.